"NIBBLES" THE ELEPHANT SEAL WANTS TO EAT YOUR PET - 9/3/2007
I’ve written a (currently unpublished) children’s book called, “A Bull On Seal Beach.” I wrote it after witnessing an unusual sight in California. (Insert punch line here – just don’t make it a religious or political one.) I saw a bull running free in a large fenced-in area near the beach, while on the adjacent beach, outside the fenced-in area, I saw sun-bathing elephant seals. The seals lived there half the year. The point is, this Central California beach was being shared by dozens of 4,500 pound elephant seals and one snorting, menacing bull.
The Hearst Castle was a mile away. I never liked how old man Hearst tried to ruin Orson Wells’ career. And I had a salmon bisque there that made me very sick. So, the heck with the castle. It’s just another example of decadent behavior in California, like I didn’t get enough of that when I lived there in the ’70’s and ’80’s.
You can check out anytime you’d like
But wouldn’t ya rather leave? … cue guitar solo.
Anyway, these seals did nothing but fight, nap, fight, nap, fight, nap. How did I know? Because I watched them for hours. I asked the experts and they told me, “They all sit around napping, then fighting; fighting, then napping.”
I’m telling you, that local favorite, salmon bisque, will slow anyone down.
Here is an excerpt from my unpublished book about the bull and the seals:
JENNER, CA -- Nibbles the elephant seal is defying his tame nickname by killing smaller seals, menacing a kayaker and chomping on a surfer and a dog on the Northern California coast.
The 2,000 pound lone male is seen frequently at the Russian River outlet to the Pacific and local marine recreational outlets are warning the public about the seal’s aggression.
On Sunday, the seal grabbed an 80 pound pit bull and only let her go after he was attacked by the dog’s owner.
“I was throwing a stick in the water for the dog,” the dog owner said. The dog started to shake when “this torpedo thing launched itself out of the water and grabbed her.”
On Tuesday, Nibbles growled at a kayaker, scaring him out of the water.
A surf shop worker said the seal and local surfers share the same turf. “It is scary when he jumps in the water with you. He is huge, like a VW bug or something.”
A lifeguard said the seal has been seen killing smaller harbor seals. They’ve now moved to other areas along the Sonoma County coast.
The elephant seal is an adolescent who likely hangs out alone at the river mouth because he is too small to compete for females at elephant seal colonies. Adults can grow to 14 feet long and 4,500 pounds.
All I can say, Nibbles, is “Grow up!” And give up the late-night snacks. If I can lay off the late-night pizza, you can give up sizzling harbor seal, barbequed pit bull and corned kayaker. If you must eat an intelligent animal, go for an octopus. They are as smart as dogs (no Michael Vick jokes, please) and taste much better, from what I’m told.
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