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I don’t dislike Wal-Mart and Sam’s Club. I dislike myself for seeking the
bargains they offer. Cashmere sweaters at
Sam’s -- twenty bucks. A chicken that’s bigger than the giant toad scientists found
recently in Australia
-- $4.97. People actually fight over these chickens.
“I saw it first!” a shopper shouted. (Sometimes, a writer is forced to
quote himself.)
You can feed a family of ten for 49.7 cents per person. Plus, you can
re-use the string they give you that holds the giant chicken together. As Nathan Lane’s
character said repeatedly in the film, “Mouse Hunt” … “Without string, the
world is chaos.”
Here’s another example of a good value: I just attended a snazzy affair
wearing a Wal-Mart suit that cost under $80. I’ve ordered appetizers that cost
more. I’ve paid more to park for half a day. Consider this: my
tie cost almost as much as my suit! That’s
other-worldly; in fact, some would say it’s knot right.
It is, however, worthwhile to write about other-worldly experiences. You
know, you thought you saw something religious in your whipped cream, or you
almost got hit by a car that was zooming along at 100 MPH on the wrong side of
the road, or you saw a million butterflies migrating or saw a baby tiger being
born … something “out there.” Well, I felt that way in Sam’s Club the other
day.
While shopping at Sam’s, I pulled out two large bottles – I had to buy
the package of two – of what looked like a tasty, healthy drink. I got home and
opened one of these fruit smoothie drinks and … guess what? It was acai juice
from the rainforest!
Hold the phone. I know about this. My readers know about this! I was very
excited, and the excitement was muted only by the fact I had purchased it at Sam’s
Club, which is owned by Wal-Mart and I hear that the big shots in Bentonville
are not as nice to their workers as, say, my dean is to me. It’s not like Jack
Bauer is working at Wal-Mart, glaring at people or anything. (Jack works for a
sneaker company with factories outside the U.S.)
I try to be provocative in a way that won’t get me sued … but I think
that might have to change soon. Besides, I just read that Wal-Mart spies on its
critics. Hey, don’t spy on me, I’m not a critic. I’m just a messenger of social
comment. (Why has that Wal-Mart truck been parked outside my apartment all
week?)
From the Internet, 3/28/07:
“Wal-Mart fired (key employees) last December shortly after naming (Company A)
to lead its $580 million-a-year advertising account. It later dismissed
(Company A) and launched a new search led by separate executives. That review
resulted in the naming of another agency (Company B) as Wal-Mart's lead
advertising agency.”
Did I read that right? Wal-Mart spends $580 mil a year on advertising!
Huh? Is that a good thing? They are well past a half-billion dollar per year
advertising budget and they don’t even sell beer!
It is this type of excess that makes me think someone is practicing the
art of brainwashing on the public. And brainwashing, BTW, is second only to the
art of hypnotism when it comes to favorite-tricks-used-by-retailers. I
expect Meat Loaf to sing a jingle for a big-box store – “I’ll kill you if
you don’t come back!”
Remember the words of The Artist Formerly Known As Homeless Otis, which
he uttered while sitting on a milk crate, near a street corner, developing
relationships: "Greed is the deadliest of sins!"
(He said that only to people who wouldn’t give him a quarter.)
Remember the theme of “The Twilight Zone” episode about the camera that
took pictures five minutes into the future: Greed.
Remember the 1987 film, “Wall Street,” specifically the words uttered by
Michael Douglas, as Gordon Gekko: “Greed is good.”
Oliver Stone, the film’s director, said recently on PBS television, “I
thought he (Gekko) was the bad guy … but everybody loved him!”
Anyway, that acai juice from the rainforest was delicious. Believe it or
not, it tasted like berries.
-- Don Rutberg
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