So my brother and his family come over for dinner and naturally he spins an old Alan Sherman record on the turntable. I hear “Shake hands with your Uncle Max, my boy …” and ask my brother, “What’s next? You wanna hear ‘Alvin and the Chipmunks?’” which was a comedy routine and album in the same era (1960’s). My brother smiles but says nothing. This should have clued me in to the fact he was up to something.
I can already see the headline: “Brothers Fight Over ‘Alvin & The Chipmunks’ Records: A Modern Day ‘Cain & Abel’ Story.”
The family leaves; I go and read a newsletter for screenwriters on the Internet. In this newsletter, some writer claims he finally got successful because he wrote 15 scripts that were simply practice scripts; exercises. That sounds reasonable. But I disagree with him on a related topic -- when he asserts that 9 out of 10 roadblocks are our own creations.
First of all, I don’t care if 10 out of 10 roadblocks are our own creations; all self-imposed, like Johnny Cash on a bulldozer. You can’t blame yourself. It’s such a discouraging racket, all normal people will get down on themselves at some point. So don’t make things worse. According to this guy, if some larceny-minded producer (and there a few thousand of them in existence) steals your script and turns it into a financial mega-hit, it’s your fault for making threatening calls to his office. You’re the bad guy; the jerk with IED (Intermittent Explosive Disorder).
I keep reading these entertainment newsletters, like I’m Willy Loman trying to get his old job back with Howard, except I never even had a bottom-rung job with anyone like Howard, whom I practically named, by the way.
Here’s something new from the newsletter. They list a bunch of upcoming movies … “Spiderman” 4 or 5 (it could be 6) … there’s a war in Iraq movie … a Raymond Chandler book-to-film … what else: a remake of the 1977 made-for-TV movie, Something for Joey, the story of Heisman Trophy winner John Cappelletti's relationship with his younger, leukemia-stricken brother.
I was not surprised by any of the upcoming movie subjects. But then I saw this headline:
Alvin! (Variety) Children's film vet Tim Hill (Muppets, Spongebob Squarepants) will direct the big-screen adaptation of Alvin and the Chipmunks, a CG-live action hybrid written by Jon Vitti.
As it turns out, my brother has our “Alvin & The Chipmunks” records. I have Alan Sherman’s, “My Son, The Folk Singer,” sure, but he got Alvin and all those Chipmunks – and he doesn’t even have a working turntable!
If you check out Ebay every day, do me a favor. See if an anonymous salesman in NJ is trying to sell a classic album recorded (at super-fast speed) by “Alvin and the Chipmunks.” And if he is, let me know. I’ll sue for custody of our 45’s -- we must have the only existing vinyl copy of “Pictures of Matchstick Men.” That’s probably worth $5.
I can already see the TV news teaser line: “Brothers Continue Fight Over ‘Alvin & The Chipmunks’ Records: A Modern Day ‘Cain & Abel’ Story. Pictures of Matchstick Men at 11.”
The point is that Hollywood will remake anything! I mean, what’s next: “Santa Claus Conquers The Martians – Part II”? They made part one, the original SCCTM in the mid ‘60’s (which fits in with the theme of this blog) and it was really an awful flick. That’s what I heard, anyway. I was punished the week it came to the Tyson Theater in Northeast Philly and couldn’t get there; something about disrupting the theater in the weeks leading up to the debut of SCCTM. Hey, I was a kid and I was excited -- the film had Santa Claus and Martians.
FLASHBACK TO THE 1930’S
No, it’s not my flashback. It’s my Dad’s story. He and a buddy were hired to play the record that accompanied a new type of film, called a “Talkie” film. Once every half hour or so, the teenaged boys had to turn off player A and start up player B, in synch with the images on the screen. Well, Dad and his juvenile delinquent buddy switched records -- they mixed them up, so the audience heard the final reel as it watched the middle reel. Dad and his buddy ran out the back door, knocking over some dinosaurs who were still roaming the streets in the 1930’s. (The Great Depression eventually finished them all off.) That was as much mischief as a kid could get into back then, in the pre-mall era.
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TED is pleased to welcome New York Times bestseller Lynne Hinton to our staff as a collaborator and ghostwriter. Lynne is the author of several books including the national bestseller Friendship Cake.
